were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
