Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
