I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
