I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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