awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
