I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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