Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
