Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize