I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we made out on top of his cat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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