Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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