I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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