My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
