She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
