so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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