I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
