Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
