Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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