I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
