The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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