So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
