thus making me awesome and them whores
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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