I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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