woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
