My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Small penises have feelings too.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
