Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
