you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
