How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
