It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
