I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
