I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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