I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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