I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
