He asked to "fluff my boner.."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
