she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
