Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
