it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
