and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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