my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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