A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
