someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My liver just broke up with me...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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