no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
