If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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