I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
