This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
