1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
