apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize