I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
