FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
