fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
