This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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