i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.