I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.