I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
