We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
