You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
