Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
