I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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