He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
