When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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