Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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